I thought he adored me and he claimed to love me. “This man is the one,” I remember telling my family, over and over again. I mean, when this guy walked in the room, he took my breath away. And together, as a couple, we could silence a crowd. In fact, I affectionately called him “Mr. Charming” because he was the perfect gentleman. He treated me with respect, never insulting or intimidating me with threatening gestures or looks – or did he? When I finally opened my eyes, my so-called charming partner was slowly but surely chipping away at my dignity and self-worth. In the midst of it all, I was more and more humiliated and even afraid. Eventually I would get my wake up call.
He had complete control over my mind and body
I was so deeply involved; it started to feel as though he had complete control over my mind and body. In an instant I realized that my very soul is being held captive and that it will be impossible to escape this horrifying reality. It would have been too agonizing to tell my friends and family “Mr. Charming” was not so charismatic after all, so I ultimately cut ties and isolated myself. I was so beat up inside and out, without anyone to talk to. The inner pain, quite frankly, the internal turmoil alone had me wondering if I was the wicked one. Is the abuse a reflection of myself? I constantly enquired; do I truly deserve this heartless verbal dialogue or the cowardly-controlling physical beatings?
Turned Up The Charm At The Most Convenient Times
After each and every humiliating and antagonizing moment, my abuser rationalized what he had done. He could enchantingly crop up a sequence of excuses, yet most of the time- he simply blamed me for his abusive behavior. I distinctly recall how easy it was for him to opportunely communicate whatever was necessary to evade responsibility. My abusive partner would do everything he could to regain control and keep me in this “relationship”. He was brilliant at pretending nothing had happened. He was even better at turning up the charm at the most convenient times. As the helpless victim, during this peaceable honeymoon phase, I regained a sense of hope- praying that my abuser had really changed this one time. After all, love is not supposed to hurt, right?
In a matter of time, it became heartbreakingly clear that I am one of those three women who is a victim of physical violence at the hands of an intimate partner. I am worthy and I must take control of my life before there is no life. Because I choose to live, I courageously started to care about me again. A sudden wake up call empowered me to wipe away the tears and take a liberating deep breath. As the air released, so did the pain and shame. I quickly packed some things, opened the door and never looked back.
I held my head up high and started to reach out.
If this sounds like your story, then reach out to us. The Faces Behind a Purpose for You is an organization where people will understood your needs. Although trust is hard to find, the caring people at our organization will listen and never judge. We are always interested in your story and more than willing to help you. Do you still have “not so good days” and sometimes cry, out of fear of the unknown? Continue to survive with the help of The Faces Behind a Purpose for You, an organization that supports victims in several aspects of life such as individual development, life skills and family support.